Wednesday, June 29, 2005

kinda sad/ :(

so hey i went to church yesterday it was kinda wierd but then again it was okay ..it felt good to be back u know but then  some things made relaiz why i havent been ..but it was cool cuz this really cute guy from church his name is mike said he would teach me the strings on my guitar  i kinda already know but its always good to learn things more then once ;P….so here is something cool and kinda funny me, Alethea , Tom,and Aaron we all had on red shirts i should of took a picture  but i didnt. so i told Alethea about me leaving in awhile and she seem’d kinda happy about it .that kinda hurt ..so we are sorta acting like we just met ..and want to know something when i got home i was happy i went to church and as i got ready for bed i was thinking and i wanted to cry but i stop’d myself and wrote in my journal…and then sat in the middle of my bed and just sat there stareing at my clock and zoned out and then i saw the time and it was 1:01am so then i just went to bed didnt sleep well …o well life goes on i geuss …o yeah Aaron hes like im being to think u have no love for me and im like what he’s like didnt call me by mistake in awhile .lol..and im laughing and then im like i’ve been busy and stuff Aaron is so funny and such a cutie “dwo” has some good looking guys and gurls of course …”ecc” has some good looking people too ..its almost like “em” but ”ecc” is alot nicer i mean there are always  a few bad apples at every church i should know i’ve to 6 different churchs in the past 8 years  each has good and bad things the longest i stay’d at a church was 7years  and that was at “em” well i got to go get ready so later
Posted by Amm at 20:56:59 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, June 27, 2005

so much time and none to spare

so last night i get a call like around 10:30 and geuss who it was lee he was in ohio for 2weeks he said he try’d callin but it said this number doesnt work  so i brought him up to speed with things cuz he kept bugin to know so talk and he said come live with him!! i was like idk so he said think about it so i said i’ll think about it that made him smile how do i know this cuz sound’d like he smiled lol wierd huh i can blame my bbfl for that she always knew what i was doin it used to freak me out but now i kinda miss it …o well so so i’ve try to finnish my sb but i need more pictures ..i just got home like 10min. ago i get up at 3:45am and then i go back to sleep at 4:50am and i get up at 6am and i fell asleep on the couch and wake up at 7am and get myself dress’d and then get my sister ready and then we start our day went to my grandma’s and then came and now i have to go i have to all 3 of my dogs a bath!! and the youngest hates bath she like a cat when it comes baths well later
Posted by Amm at 18:57:06 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Sunday, June 26, 2005

confused?????

so i have been tryin to talk to my mom u know about this whole thing and she listens to what i say but then again she doesnt  she takes everything the wrong way and then she says i cant talk to u ..but listen to this she goes over her friends house there what 30min. and then she calls me and starts say u cant leave cuz of this and that and she says when i come we will talk more …what is that i ask u !!! im still kinda numb so of course im not mad which i should be but just very confused….o but she said i can still use my cell untill the 4th of july so im back to not talking to people cuz here is how i see it if the people u want to talk doesnt then u shouldnt have to talk to ones u dont so now i just dont talk any more “fun times”   so i’ve been talking to one gurl from “ecc” she seems really cool  and she thinks i should join the “ch” with her i mean it would be cool cuz i’ve been wantin to sing again but im still unsure she tells me they are all not geeky or stuck up….so im goin try and go either 2night or wed. she said she would be there and if i need’d a ride home she could give me one she sweet o and there is this one guy from “ecc” i think his name is steven…he is so adroable and nice  i think we are going to be good buds…so i havent really talk to any one from ” dwo”  they are really busy i geuss o i just lied i talk to aaron like 2 times and i talk to tom for like 10min. yesterday….aaron help’d me and my cuz out with directions yesterday and the funny thing was we were like 15min. away from we want’d to go .we were goin to guitar center out in roseville” north  of gratiot it was a really cool store o why we went there was my guitar need’d new strings o yeah im taking up guitar again..cool huh.. :) well i have go so later
Posted by Amm at 19:14:02 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, June 25, 2005

yawn

hey so i slept in untill 10:40  well i didnt really i woke up kinda early and just laid in bed for awhile thinking  about friendships and lies and stuff  so im back to usein my other name …and i’ve been talking to my cuz ..celina and she had another baby in april and she is sooo adroable so she now has there gurls well its 11:15 i should go eat before i leave …so later i’ll some more later

Posted by Amm at 16:14:52 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, June 24, 2005

SCREAM….CRY….BLOW SOMETHING UP!!!

so hey im back but not for long ….so life just seems to get worse  for me lately i mean a nail went in my toe very painful yet it didnt hurt ….i havent talk’d to lee in 3 weeks …..my mom wants me out in 3days ….havent talk’d to my best friend for almost 3 weeks….i was sick for well lets just say im almost back with the living….and i think im going crazy …its all kinda crazy really i mean im numb inside i mean things that should hurt like hell to where you should scream ..cry …get pissed off …i dont ..i mean i may feel it but i dont feel it ..you know …i think i kinda givin up …which is not good in my case …i dont like not feelin any pain . i mean its like this i cut myself and didnt even know it untill i saw blood on my shirt and the whole nail in toe thing it didnt hurt ..plus side from that was i grossed out my brothers  :) so i geuss im done cryin i mean yes i did cry when things were said that shouldnt have been said ,i cried hard and then i realized  when there was no one ( well the people i trusted with my life) wasnt there i got to move on …so im moving out of my moms house and take things from there …but untill i move out i got to fake it to i make it …and if that means cry myself to sleep every night well thats just what i’ll do…i havent been fighting back and it is driving my mom nutts and kinda makin things worse but ….but if your heart got blown to a ton of tiny parts by your mom and the few people you really trusted ( note that i dont trust easly) then you well see how much fight you have left..well im gettin kinda bored so im goin go …LATER

Posted by Amm at 03:43:43 | Permalink | Comments (1) »