Tuesday, August 30, 2005

i hope ..!!!

oaky so i might have a guest coming to church 2night im so stoked….well i have to go find something to where ..hmm maybe black jeans and a pink and gray shirt hmmm…..not sure but maybe …..well i got to go and take a shower and try do something with my hair ….o man i almost forgot my camera is not working i cant take any pic’s i have to go find a camera too well cover my nose and look its worked before even though it sounds really funny i’ll write how the rest of my day went later …tata
Posted by Amm in 19:56:07 | Permalink | No Comments »

yawn..fest

so umm things just kinda got weird for me jade sorta told me about everything  and some stuff i shouldnt know yet about people  so im tryin to forget what she told me so if any thing comes up related to it i wont feel bad for not saying anything ..anywho  so i found out that im just out of the loop with some people that i thought was buddys o well i just need to start over  find some people i fit in with or just go back to being really quiet and wear my head phones alot o well im tried and i have a long day 2morrow so later
Posted by Amm in 05:45:39 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, August 29, 2005

what well happen next

so we live and we learn thats what some people say i dont know i mean in a way its right but then in a way its not……so i’ve havent really talk’d at all today..and i didnt want to get out of bed i was just sleeply….so im thinking about painting my room black and hot pink or black and red not sure which im gonna do yet ….so there is a few songs stuck in my head here is one of them…..

catch me as i fall

say you’re  here and its all over now

speaking to to the atmosphere

no one’s here and i fall into myself

this thruth drives me into madness

i know i can stop the pain if i will it all  away

 don’t trun away

don’t give into the pain

don’t try to hide

though they’re  screaming yor name

don’t close your eyes

god knows what lies behind them

don’t trun out the light

never sleep never die

 

i’m frightened  by what i see

but soemhow i know that there’s much more to come

immobilized by my fear

 

and soon to be blinded by tears

i can stop the pain if i will it all away

 

don’t trun away

don’t give in to the pain

don’t try to hide

though they’re screaming your name

don’t close your eyes

god knows what lies behind them

don’t trun out the light

never sleep never die

 

fallen angals  at my feet

whispered voices at my ear

 

death before my eyes

lying next to me i fear

she beckons me shall i give in

upon my end shall i begin

forsaking all i’ve fallen for i rise to meet my end

                                  by…evanescence

that song is stuck in my head and a few other songs but im …o be back someone is at my door { checking the door } OMG  so its jade  and she is a mess so we are gonna walk up to MD’S and get some food and come back and have a talk so i tell you about it when get on ….OMG OMG OMG ..geuss who just im’d me TONY..what else is goin happen??? well i’ll more later about what happens next with all of this

Posted by Amm in 23:06:53 | Permalink | No Comments »

tryin be someone i dont even know

so no answer o well we arent talking and she told me she wasnt answerin if i called for awhile  hats off to ya ……so when i got home i was real quiet i went to my room fell on my bed and just lay’d there staring at feet and it made me smile why ?? one night i was talking to ******* we were talking about something and some how we started talking about feet o well anyways i brother came in my room and was talking and my little sister was pionting and nameing the photo’s of people i had my wall and it was like i was there but i wasnt i was just nodding and stuff never said a word they didnt seem to care i was nodding so they were fine with it ….how do you tell someone goodbye ..not meaning see you later or untill next time but  goodbye for good its not as some people make it sound  see i never say goodbye …i’ll say bye or later or see ya …but never goodbye unless im cutting you out of my life …yeah i know im weird like that…..{ thinking } so do you ever wish you could trun back time i do but not only till a week or so ago like i said before i dont have regrets  and i’ve done stuff im not to proud of hate to say but i now have regrets about something ………im just talking a whole bunch of nothing …..sigh….so im wide awake yay…..my grandpa is getting worse and i cant do nothing about it needless to say he understands me in all of my crazyness i lose him then what ? my mom doesnt get me neither does my brother or sister ….jenna got me but died ….i think ******* gets me but i messed that up so we really dont talk …i have people yet i have no one …..so last to tuseday i was at church and stuff and i could see all the little groups talking laughing hugin and it just hit me really fast  never mind …..so it 12:34am :) well im goin go try and make my self sleep …later
Posted by Amm in 05:33:16 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

i feel like cryin

so hey im day was like wow ..okay so i get up with the happy brithday song stuck in my head …so i call emma  to see if she was up yet to start the day so everything went so wrong getting going late then car accident then the  ER  waited for ever not feeling well i have this like cast thing on my wrist and stuff not cool maybe it just wasnt meant to be i geuss ……and this computter is being a jerk tonight also be right back im goin go call ******* and well tell her the news no reason to lie later
Posted by Amm in 04:31:13 | Permalink | No Comments »

Saturday, August 27, 2005

lets scream shall we

so can life get any crazyer  i try and do something nice and stuff and things just blow up everywhere ..thats my life “UGH’ im so not feeling that well either  i have to get some stuff put together  to go somewhere  “ugh” so hate not feeling well  and people who dont do their job mess’s with me too  …and well now i think ******* knows what she is going to get and thats just ticks me off cuz i wouldnt had to call her ask some stuff reguarding  the gift….ugh…..its all messed up now ..sigh….{ thinking } you know what forget what i had to do im not going anywhere i need’d a reason not to go and now i do to now i have to make more phone calls ..know what else i being to hate the phone the only thing good that happen today was i got to hear ******* voice but that was sorta bitter sweet….so last night i found how old aaron is ;) i wont tell any one cuz its a secret but i know  hehe :P …  want to hear something weird my hands are like ice but the rest of me is really hot……..i need lemonade it helps with that time if you know what i mean …..so needless to say im overly feeling everything  today ..yay…well be back later …later
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Posted by Amm in 04:56:43 | Permalink | No Comments »

no sleep

so hey today has been a long day for me so i didnt get to sleep untill 3am and then i keep waking up every 30mins so needless to say i didnt get much sleep and i had to babysit from 10am to 4pm its just been a long day for me …and to make matters worse my package got mix’d up or whatever they called and said happen’d so now i have to go find a different place nd pray they can get it where it needs to be on the day i want it to be …..its totally worth every penny ..now if they can just get it to where it needs to be thats another story….anyways i wont hear about the job untill next week……so i talk’d to cass and she cant wait to see me and u know what it feels good know there is someone who cant wait to see me :) …..what do you do when you get stuck in the same room with the one person you just cant stand at all  u know what i never knew i could dislike a person that bad but like i said before i learn news things every day im not gonna say what i* did or didnt do* or would or wouldnt do …..some people are mean no matter how nice you try to treat them they just rub ya the wrong way  over and over………you what it would be nice just to gat really long hug { not a fake hug a real hug} without asking  sometimes hugs just help you know ……but it has to be form the right person or it doesnt really help much …how can you get a go head on something if your not talking to someone yet they want you to ask frist ???? but they talk to you if they think your talking about them and ya mistake  it for concern and then you feel really dumb about it and then bad cuz o never mind im just talk crazy talk cuz im not getting enough sleep and when that happens sometimes you out of your head….anyways im going go later
Posted by Amm in 04:44:54 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, August 26, 2005

giving up or die fighting #2

okay so as my computer did it thing i put my wet clothes in the dryer im having a cup of pepsi i havent had pepsi in like forever it taste really good ..anyways so loki thanx for the comment and yeah i know what you mean now how crazy is that lol… i wrote a poem last night here it is   its called  MY DOWN FALL

sorrow comes easy

love comes hard even sometimes rare

hate is strong yet easy to weaken

sadness brings joy

smiles brings  tears

fights truns into closeness

drakness brings light

life truns to death

silence truns  into noise

goodness takes on meaness

what you see isnt always what you get

 

it made me think for awhile after i wrote it ….so what do you do when you cant talk to the one person that you can tell anything too???……so i havent slept very well this past few months and i didnt sleep well all this week to much on the mind to much info to take in and not talk about im am really tryin to keep it together but it seems im falling apart  if you cant tell bit by bit im going threw hell i mean how  many deaths can someone take and not talk about and not fall apart?? anyways  everyone in my house is asleep even the dogs well you would think i should be asleep too nope not me always gotta be different even when i dont want to! i think im talking to much well writing to much i just got this most beautiful e-mail from ******* it has my fav. flower which is sunflower and butterflys in it and if you dont know i love butterflys :) that made me smile …well everything trun out alright to little to late …i hope not ….well it’s 12:10 and u know thats 30min’s before i went to bed last night but i didnt go to bed but i did confused well what i mean is i was in bed but i didnt go to sleep i lay’d there staring at the wall thinking way to much about stuff  like how i hurt before people can hurt me …and thats just sad and dumb well later floks i got to get up early and go babysit for someone from 10am to 3:30pm so i will post as soon as i can ..sleep well ….later

Posted by Amm in 05:16:14 | Permalink | Comments (2)

giving up or die fighting

so im in this weird mood i’ve been like for about 3days now i feel like there is no way out or in how crazy can i get hmm…i geuss we shall  see ……..so i always to fail to say whats on mind alot of the time and say what people want to hear  so i dont hurt or offend them well i think thats enough  of that  now so here is some more of whats been on my mind ……why do people hurt the ones that love and care about them and and dont do a thing about the ones that hurt them  make up excuses to why they got what was coming to them and stuff  maybe one day people who dont know why will…….death seems to come as quick as life seems to come ……dont you hate it when you relize your losing everone you ever really seem to love and care about as quickly as a snap of a finger well my computer is being a jerk so read this and wait for more the post i’ll be back in a min.
Posted by Amm in 04:33:27 | Permalink | No Comments »