My LIFE as I Know IT

it needs to rain and really hard  that way i can just sleep its wierd when it stroms i can sleep like a baby ….so i have been going threw the highs and lows with my boyfriend and my mom  its getting to be to much he wants to be all  mushy all the time and im not like that for th most part he talks my ear off when its just me and him and i dont talk all that much i like to hold hands and stuff but not all the time i told him we were moving to fast and he was like o so we are breaking up ? how can you get that from moving to fast …i havent kissed him in like a few days and its driving him nutts but he was like i can wait … my mom wants me to move back home but im not sure what to do and its making her mad so she isnt happy which is making me not happy and  i cant think clrealy lately and the cupp fam is why i cant really tell any one im seeing who im seeing i dont judge people on thier past ..but not everyone can do that …so i did something kinda dumb the other night i asked a person within the group a ride home why well my bf wasnt feeling well and he had to get right away and this person didnt live more then 10minutes from where i live and the end it just made me feel dumb and alittle hurt ..see i have this problem to where i like to make friends with people who really dont me around at all and im to dumb to know it untill they hurt my feelings with or without them knowing it…i got in to with my room-mate last tuesday nite that was just iceing on the cake  why well i almost got into it with a co-worker and then me and my mom got into it and it was that time of the month for me so yea i was a mess well im kinda sleepy so later

 

so what can i say my world is not all smiles all the time everytime it starts to get good it gets worse which blows okay so im see a very cool guy but i cant say we are going out i say hey this is my friend instade of boyfriend and my mom well she gonna be in the hosp. for a bit so im moving back home to help out which is what family does ..right!?..i have so much on my mind its driving me nutts to where im just about to blow up …nobody really knows me and the ones that do i dont talk to them any more . i would pretty much would give any thing for a few hours to talk to them ..its one of those weeks to where i feel like giving up be like screw it ALL and just leave i mean i dont what i mean… i have been thinking why would someone want to break something thats already broken i mean i have my good days but people are tryin to change me ..ya gotta give credit for wearin pink and acting all girly girl sometimes i am a girl so but im gonna wear black .chains.crazy hats.and pants ..cuz thats who i am …so i wear my hair up alot but lately i`ve been wearin it down cuz 2 people like it that way why no clue but i care what they think the most when i see them i try to remember to take it down ..so i used to get sooooo umm i cant even think of the right word for it but my feet would tap all the time well thats back and the rubing of my ear when i get super nervise if thats how you spell i cought myself a few days ago i cant even spell today ughhhhhhhhh…..i dont what to do with myself these days i all i do is work andn sleep and eat when i remember and thats not alot and my co -worker was like you are losing weight i was like yeah i had to buy some new jeans again she was like how`d you do it i was like im not even tryin …and from what i hear its fun to mess with me cuz its so easy i dont care but i`ve heard that more the once i finaly got my jouranly back ….i almost got my tounge repierced but i didnt instade i made out with my boyfriend in a parking lot ..lol..danger sign in red for me right now …its that time of month and im super green that time ..and i thought of someone else when i really kissed him which is not good..o well i got to go cuz my boyfriend just got here so later

so this is my life i was telling myself the other day you fall to fast for people wait no i get fast crush`s that go just as fast as they come …so i`ve been seeing someone for about a week now and its real he doesnt just want me for money and stuff like that and what made fall for him 2days ago was he sat me down and was like i respect you and i dont just want you for your body ..i was good to know .. but he went he was i really likke you lot and i want to totaly honest with and he me some stuff and i was honest and blunt with him and which i havent done totaly before well maybe once before and it scared me so bad that i got super quiet i have spent almost all the free time i have had with him and we talk and then we dont we just hang i feel like i can trust a human again besides God ..people arent perfect i know this but i found out that someone i trusted with my whole heart and life told some one i used to have crush on that i that i was crushingon them which im not any more but this person acts wierd around me i thought cuz i wasnt worthly of his friendship but now i know he thinks i still like him well crushing on him which Sucks i hate finding out things like that i have trusting prombles as it is .. o well anyways i have changed in so many ways its pretty cool im not tryin to have a best friend if it happens then sweet if not i`ll live and for me to say that its holy moly jaw droping kinda thing ..lol..not saying i still dont want it but i went about it all the wrong ways … and instade of sparing your feeling all the time if you want the truth then thats what you get i havent been so boy crazy either which lead me to a godly man even thou needs a little work as i do so im not judging im learning to let go and live and hang up on people who are crusing me out and cuzing me so much pain by just talking to them.. i can thank a ex friend for that and i just came to trems with not being friends with that person also which means a whole lot ..long story ….i am honestly growing up wisely at the moment i am proud of my self ..it may sound corny or wierd or whatever …i have sorta a clean bill of health !!!!….one of the things that is sorta bugging me at this time is my roomie has let me know that when we talk some times my face is like no one is home cuz that means im retreating and stuff …thats me being scared to take friendship personaly again which is hard for me at this time and place ..but im learning and God is walking with me in my path towards christ and my life of who i am to be …i thank God every day now for the people he put my life and the ones im just not ready to be really good friends with i say my good byes for now . cuz i know one day we well be friends again when im ready ! well on that note i have to go to bed its late or early either way goodnite