My LIFE as I Know IT

so my life is never what i thought it would be its like people couldonly write what i go threw for real for one my love life watch the “note book” i swear  it freakin wierd  i mean its down to like wear she never got his letters well well i think my mom has the letter R.D said that was sent..see my mom doesnt like the idea at ALL …see if you didnt see the movie you have no clue what im talking about …we fight and make up just like that movie …we are almost always nervous to touch each other ..when we do its sooooo passionate its like OMG ..lol…we havent yet u know …R.D is sooo respectfull it drives me nuttz sometimes !! okay here is something kinda funny …so you know how you get to the point where you gotta kiss or you feel like your gonna explod…okay …so like that was where we were at like 2months ago so we both were sooo nervous well i know i was ive onlyreally kissed someone a fews times before and liked it…so soo many things went threw my head like i wonder how it well be ..meaning really wet..kind dry..or just like i didnt feel it..lol…i hate really wet kiss`s….i stoped kissing this one guy i dated cuz well at frist it was nice and then it was like bad breathe..lol…i told him dude brush ur teeth and tongue..lol..i dated him for like almost 3months ..but we couldnt be ourselfs around my friends cuz people didnt want us to date they thought bad idea..they were sorta rite in a way but then it was like a rush ..meaning like grab my ass and lets make out ..lol…and then try and stop before we get caught..lol…bad i know i know..lol…but still fun..but then it was just stress so we had to end it…i didnt love him i know he thought he loved me but he was just horny….to be honest….and well it wasnt fair top him cuz i stoped kissing him and made up excuses to why i couldnt kiss him but the truth was i didnt want him to want me that way….and then R.D and me met nither of us was lookin to see any one just a friend you know…the more we talked and the more we got to know each other we couldnt get a enough..lol…dorky rite….buts like i know its not rite but it feels soo rite …like when we talk we really dont talk about much but us and then we talk on the fone R.D is like just talk i want to hear you talk soo i talk about people that is and was importen to me …i even was like one time OMG we are to sick..meaning like someone should be sayin go get a room..lol…i know i must have a stupid smile on my face when i talk to R.D but i dont know ….so we talk about running away together the other nite  i wasnt having a good day that day and i was missing R.D soo bad cuz everytime i see a couple im like i have THAT but but they just soo happen to be in SPAIN ahhh i swear and me and R.D fight almost every day…but we make up and it drives me nuttz cuz we cant kiss like we want too …frusrating I TELL YA….cuz yea we to be blunt ..we trun each other on like really bad..lol..so i geuss its a good thing ..lol…we would be all over each other..lol…i swear its hard not having R.D here but then again im safe from not doing what i think about in my head..lol…sooo bad…lol….ive never been kissed like this before or held …and ive seen how R.D looks at me and it makes me weak..yes yes IM inlove CRAZY i know..lol…this kid as me on cloud 9…lol…so a few days ago i got sooo freakin confused it wasnt even funny someone s

so yea my life isnt really all that good infact it SUCKS im losing people i love and hold close to my heart so here more dramma..cant get enough NOT!! ….how do i start here goes so im inlove with someone wew were seeing each other well its been about a month and some days.. i mean this like heart stoping love … cant think stright ..cant breathe …. for the frist time and my life i was inlove  its the most power thing that can happen its crazy ….well yea that person broke things cuz dominichi couldnt be here to protect me from this creep that was messin with me see here how it went…..i had a realllly bad day and i wrote dominichi a e-mail sayin im gonna hide  out for a while and said dont worry…well dominichi wrote back and said okay dont take forever to fly back to me { cuz i like butterflies} and well very long story short my fone was about to die and dominchi said your goona hate me but forget about me rip up the card i sent you just forget about me plz bye amber….do you know ive been numb every scince..i cant do nothing u know dominichi is in spain with fam cuz here the kicker thier grandma is dieing…my older bro just found me 2day cuz i sorte ran off thats what i do …STUPID i know..but i cant just forget about this person i mean we talked about gettin married and everything we are sooo much alike the other nite we were just on the computer talkin and we both were listening to our ipods and i was like you know what song reminds me of you and i told and then we found out we were  listening to the same song and it was our frist song on our ipods we both have crazy moms and stuff we kept each other sane okay here comes the mushy stuff i told dominichi that i loved em and well i dont say that to everybody and this is the frist time i said it mean i was inlove! and why we broke cuz we love each other too much to see the other and pain and not able to do anything { cuz we live a few states away} and well dominichi told me the other day when i hurt geuss who hurts also …and its the same for me too one nite dominichi kinda ran off and didnt tell any one and well dominichi callz me and was crying i started crying cuz i felt the pain when we hear each other voice  it takes the pain away and we make each other laugh soo hard its crazy..i never knew what i was missing untill now…and let me tell you it hurts like HELL and SO CAN YOU SEE WHY I DONT GET CLOSE TO PEOPLE IT ENDS BADLY FOR ME TO WHERE IM NUMB AND NOT WANTING TO BE HERE SO I SIT HERE LIKE A DUMBASS WHO MESSED UP HER ARM STILL HERE NOT WANTING TO BE HERE ..BUT IM HERE FEELING NUMB ONCE AGAIN I DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GO TO SPAIN CUZ .. heres why im really numb after our convo dominichi got in a car crash and well in the hospital and well heres what the brother said was in a coma and now eyes are open and then my bro talked to the brother and well they feel the doc isnt tellin them everything…so yea the love of my life could be dieng  on me see we were fine when we were together and now look at us not even a day we about kill ourselfs a good we are doing..huh…